The Adventures of Testosterone Person

Raised in an average suburban family in Peoria Ill., Elmer Rockston, due to a chemical imbalance in his brain, early on showed signs of being excessively nice.

His mother was perturbed.

Mother:  "Elmer.  You're a boy!  This isn't right."

His sister was upset.

Sister:  "All my friends make fun of me."

His father had a plan.

Father: "I know what let's do.  Let's punish him."

But it was no use.  Elmer continued to be driven relentlessly by impulses to be gentle and kind.

Elmer: "I think I'd like to hug someone.  I feel like doing a good deed."

Something had to be done.

His sister had an idea.

Sister: "If I could get all my friends to ridicule him to his face, maybe that would help."

His father had a plan.

Father:  "I know what let's do.  Lets punish him even more."

But his mother knew it was more than their family could handle.

Mother: "Its hard to ask for help.  But it's nothing to be ashamed of."

So they took him to the mental health experts.  There, doctors specially trained in helping people with abnormalities injected extract of walrus gonad, subcutaneously.  But due to a decimal point error in their calculations, they injected 1.8 pounds of the substance, rather than .18 of a pound.  The consequences were startling.

Mild mannered Elmer was transformed:

• More brutal than a million blackflies...

• Less feeling than the average rock...

• More gross than a dirty toilet...

• Able to exploit women and children without a qualm...

He became -- TESTOSTERONE PERSON!

Testosterone Person: "I want to crush something soft and cuddly."

His sister was relieved.

Sister: "My friends don't make fun of me any more."

His father was overjoyed.

Father:  "He's a chip off the old block."

His mother was satisfied.

Mother: "He's going to be a real man now."