The following brief descriptions of intergenerational relationships are all taken from the book, "Positive Memories" by T. Rivas. You can download an epub version of this eyeopening book here.


I. "It built his personality."

 BM-25 - Taken from: Bruce Rind - “The Problem with Consensus Morality”, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 31, No. 6, December 2002.

James, a 23-year-old Canadian, first felt sexually aroused by other males at age six and had his first sex at eight with a peer.

At eleven, he befriended a neighbor man, to whom he gave many signals, hoping for sex to occur. Eventually, it did, which made him feel proud and closer to the man.

Over the next three years, he visited the man regularly, often secretly to avoid the possibility of his parents ending the relationship.

He saw the relationship as very positive and said it built his personality (e.g., greater self-confidence) and influenced many of his tastes (e.g., an appreciation for literature).


II. "He often took me on his lap and kissed me."

 BM-29 - Joop (about 36 years old) sent several letters to Rivas in 1996 and 1997 and spoke with him on the phone. Joop is a bisexually oriented man, but sees no relation to what he experienced as a child. Here are some excerpts of what he told Rivas.

It was June 1973; I had just turned thirteen, when I got to know Jos. He had just moved to G., and he lived in a flat near to our home. After school, I used to play soccer with some friends and that’s how I met Jos. We starting talking, and after a few weeks he asked me if I wanted to visit him some time. I did.

We developed a relationship in which I received a lot of love and attention.

After a while we went to town together and bought records and cloths and we went to a restaurant. I often spent the night with him. Jos was a father, friend and brother for me, all at the same time.

It took about half a year before we first had a shower together, followed by sex. I guess it was in the Autumn of 1973 when we first slept with each other. Due to my age I was inclined to some experimentation, but Jos did not rush anything. He explained what I had to do and how I could reach an orgasm. In a way, he tried to enlighten me about sex, rather than just doing it with me. Jos never went too far; if there was something I did not want to do, he stopped immediately.

The love this man gave me, the feeling of being loved, was such an overwhelming, beautiful thing. He had a sincere interest in what I did at school and in my hobbies, such as soccer. 
The relationship lasted for 4 years.

It was left to me when I visited him and how often. It could happen that I went to see him four times a week, but it was no problem if I stayed away for a while. He understood that I was still a kid, and he gave me enough space to stay a kid. He understood that my friendships with peers were at least as important for me.

Jos was a sweet, tender man. He often took me on his lap and kissed me and that’s how I felt he really loved me. He didn’t often use words to express his love for me, though he did affectionately call me his “little soccer player”.

I learned a lot from him and it was a real shame that he died at an early age.

I think parents have the right to get to know their child's adult friend, but it should be up to the child whether he wants to see someone or not.”


III. "He really felt good in Jan's presence."

 BM-34 - In 1982, Dutch author Karel Eykman published a poem about a young boy's relationship with poet Jan Hanlo

(1912-1969). The poem, “Hij had een motor en wist er alles van”, is part of a book entitled 'Wie verliefd is gaat voor' ('Those in love get served first') and seems to refer to a relationship between Eykman himself and Hanlo.
In his poem, the former boy states that he used to help Jan with his motorcycle. Jan cuddled, hugged and spoilt him and he really felt good in Jan's presence and considered him a close friend. It is not entirely clear if the relationship remained platonic or not, but Hanlo is currently known as a 'pedophile'.
The friendship ended when his father objected to the fact that his son was seeing a 'faggot'.


 IV. "The man showed him lots of love."

BM-36 - Dr. Frits Bernard describes several cases in his article, De gevolgen voor het kind in the book Sex met kinderen which he co-wrote with dr. E. Brongersma, Ids Haagsma, & dr. W.J. Sengers, edited by Peter van Eeten. The Hague: Stichting Uitgeverij NVSH, 1972.

An important case mentioned in his essay is Casus 6 (pages 75-76). It concerns the testimony of a 25-year-old man. Here are the main facts.

When he was about eight years old, he met a man on the street, who told him he liked the way he was playing. The man invited him for a ride on his bike and later on he also asked the boy to visit him.

They became friends and the boy was allowed to call him by his first name. The man told him about his homosexuality and informed him about the various forms of sexual orientation. The relationship became closer and the man showed him lots of love. When the boy was around ten years old, they started having sex with each other. The boy enjoyed it greatly and the sexual relationship lasted till he was about eighteen.

The (former) boy is married now and has shared his positive experiences with his wife. He believes the pedophile relationship served as a good introduction to his adult love life.

He still has a special friendship with his former lover.


V. "I couldn't believe anything so big could happen to me."

BW-07 - Here´s yet another case from Newgon, originally taken from Edward Brongersma´s Loving boys, Volume One.

"My first serious relationship was with a much older woman. She was twenty-six and I was thirteen, but she thought I was fifteen. It was in the summer in New Hampshire. She was an artist, and she really loved me. We were very serious. I loved her a great deal too. I couldn't believe anything so big could happen to me." 

The boy's father discovered, however, what had happened, and put an end to the summer romance.

"I never, ever saw her again, never talked to her again. I still think about her once in a while."
VI. "I have very fond memories of it"

In May of 2011, a Dutch-speaking anonymous woman of 27 shared her positive experiences as a young girl with an adult man on a forum at

"From the age of around six, I've had a sexual relationship with a grown-up. It's been very nice and I have only good memories of it. It concerned Peter, he was around 40 and he was living nearby. He was living alone and was something of a family friend. He often used to help my father with chores around the house or in the garden. And he also enjoyed joining in at our meals. I really clicked with him and we often used to frolic around with each other before I went to bed."

Peter also used to take her on a boat trip. He had a nice parrot and a large model train track. He was a gifted babysitter and a combination of an older brother, a friend and a playmate. He used to read her old copies of Donald Duck Magazine while she was sitting on his lap and he would stroke her hair and give her a few kisses on the head.

"He really loved me and I loved him. We were always very fond of each other."

The sexual part emerged gradually, in a playful fashion. They ended up having sex on an almost daily basis. During secondary school she did have a boy friend of her own age but she continued to see Peter. Even now, they occasionally have sex, although not as often as they used to, because the woman has moved to a different region after finishing university.

"Looking back at my childhood with Peter, I have very fond memories of it."


VII. "Everything happened with love."

GM-11 - On the Dutch forum at, a woman named Janneke shares her experience.

"From the ages of ten to twelve, I had a sexual relationship with my neighbor who was much older than I. He used to tell beautiful stories and I loved sitting on his lap because he would caress my legs. I felt special and cherished and it was a wonderful feeling. 

After a while the caressing got more intimate and a very playful ritual developed during which I let him watch and touch me and in the end he also satisfied me orally. He's never done anything against my will, and everything happened with love. 

I often yearn for it, as it was a special period in my life."


VIII. "Yes, he's a pedophile. I'd like to say: so what?"

GM-30 - An anonymous woman responds to an incest story on a Dutch website dedicated to personal confessions:

She writes:

“I don't have any experience with incest myself, but I hope my contribution will help you somewhat:

I'm 48 now and from the age of 11 to 16, I used to have sex with a man who was 30 years older than I. After I became 16 it stopped because I got a (another) relationship.
Nevertheless, we always stayed in touch (not sexually). Till this very day he's remained a friend of mine.

He never forced me and he was always very sweet and respectful towards me. It was not just about the sex; he always helped me with everything, and pulled me through dark periods in my life.

He simply is a good man and yes, he's a pedophile. I'd like to say: so what? [...] Life is not black and white.”








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